There’s plenty of information out there on what to do when you’re just starting to date someone. How about what you shouldn’t do though? Here are a few things to avoid if you want to get past the first couple of dates with someone you have a fancy for:

Don’t start talking about your long-term future together
Throwing around ideas about what to do next weekend is fine, but if you start talking specifically about planning your wedding with him or her (or even hint at it), there’s a good chance your date might run for the hills.

That said, general conversations about families, how they get on with theirs, whether any other family members have kids, or just idly mentioning that one day you’d like to be a parent yourself, can give you a good indication of whether the two of you have similar values and family goals.

Don’t interrogate them
It’s one thing to ask how your date’s day/week was and what they got up to, but firing off a bunch of questions about what they did and who they did it with will only make you look suspicious and jealous.

A better way to encourage them to share info is to first share some yourself. Work on finding the right balance there – not too much (oversharing can be very unsexy) and not too little (forcing them to work for every detail isn’t fair either).

Don’t overwhelm them with your friends
Different personality types need different things and move at different paces. If you’re someone who is generally outgoing, you may want them to meet all your friends right away. There’s nothing wrong with that, and in fact good friends will often give you some of the most honest feedback about your date.

Some people might not be comfortable being thrown into the limelight like that though (talk about pressure!), and sometimes it’s better anyway to get to know each other first, then gradually start introducing them into your circle of friends.

Of course it’s natural to think about a new squeeze a lot and to want to spend time with them. The point here is not to take things for granted. Don’t assume anything and keep checking in with them, so you can find the way forward you’re both most comfortable with.

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